Dear 20 year old self.

“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”

Lalah Deliah

As you know, if you read my last blog, I recently turned 50. I received a birthday card that instructed me to write a letter to my 20 year old self and then to my 60 year old self. I thought, hmmm, might be interesting. Then I received the same card a couple days later. Then I thought, Okay Okay! I got the point! So here it goes… Letter 1.

Dear self,

You don’t know me. I am you at 50 and I am going to tell you a story. Promise me you won’t freak out… read the whole letter until the end. Promise? Okay. Here’s the deal…

In the next year, you are going to meet someone that isn’t always kind to you. You are going to raise 2 step-children. You are going to work a lot of short term jobs and move around a lot. A lot! Don’t worry – you get good at purging and packing. You are going to endure multiple periods of financial stress. You will experience darkness and incredible loneliness. You will even suffer through depression and anxiety. You will doubt yourself at every turn and down every road. You won’t get to see your family very often and you won’t have a lot of friends. You will look at yourself in the mirror and feel ugly. You will become lost. But that is chapter one… there is second chapter.

You will power through that first chapter. You will walk forward through the mud and the rain and the storm. Your legs will keep moving. Your heart will patiently wait for it’s moment to open again. Your head will fight to clear. You will be tired but you will keep going. Through all of that, you will be building a foundation for who you are meant to be. And when the storm clears… oh, when that storm clears… you will feel the most glorious sunshine.

You will discover your own strength. You will be surprised by it at first. But it will be bold. You will have success in your career. And then you will have the courage to start a new, better career. You will challenge yourself constantly and you will grow. You will be adventurous. You will learn. You will be healthy and strong, both physically and mentally. You will live in a place the gives you mountains and lakes and sunshine. You will meet people that give you energy and hope and laughter. You will have family that hold you up and cheer you on. You will feel love.

You will lose your shyness and become sure and confident. You will embrace your fears and be brave. You will be compassionate and kind but still firstly fill your own cup with happiness. You will incur wisdom and self awareness. You will look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are beautiful but not because of what you see in the mirror but who you see in the mirror. You will love yourself.

So don’t be afraid when things look dark. Step forward as you are meant to. Stay the course and know that you are becoming something fierce. Know that you are going to find joy and happiness in everything around you. Know that you will feel respect and admiration. Know that you stand tall, breathe deep and say, I am loved.

I am good. I am happy. I am love.

Yours truly.

P.S. I am proud of you kid.

2 thoughts on “Dear 20 year old self.

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