January 6th, 2016 at approximately 7:30 a.m. in the morning I walked out of my house for the last time. I would never go back. I had tried to leave before but it never stuck. I knew beyond doubt that this would stick. I had been with my husband for almost 24 years. Married for over 11 of those years. It was an emotionally unhealthy relationship and it took a long time for me to gather the courage to walk out that door.
For almost 24 years I lived with someone who I felt controlled my life. I did not have my own bank account for 23 years – only a joint one. I rarely went out with friends or anywhere on my own. I was ashamed of my image – my clothing, my hair, my weight and yet I was not free to spend money or time on myself for self improvement. I would change jobs regularly as I could not give any one enough attention or dedication to make something of it. I no longer knew who I was or how I fit into the world. I felt I was just serving someone else, agreeing to someone else’s wants and needs. Somewhere along the line I lost my identity.
When I left, I spent 2 years in group and individual counselling at the Kelowna Women’s Shelter and I am still currently seeing a therapist. I have a long ways to go in my healing process. But in the years since I walked out that door, I have purchased my own home, succeeded in my career, built a small side business and am in the best physical shape of my life. Most importantly, I have confidence in who I am and who I want to be.
When I walked out of the house that morning, I had no idea the journey I was about to begin. The rocky path that I had ahead of me. Each week, each month and each year brings on new challenges and I am just getting started.
My favorite quotes…
May the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary.
Xan Oku
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
J. K. Rowling
The moment you accept responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you acquire the power to change it!
Hal Elrod
My Messy Life 