“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes…”Steve Jobs
I have spent my whole life trying to fit in. Right from when I was a kid. Trying to be as outgoing and confident as my siblings. Trying to be as cool as my friends.
And then once I got to college, trying to be as bold and driven as my school mates.
I tried my best to make myself fit in every group but never really got the hang of it. And then I met my then husband and it took the pressure off of trying to fit in. I let him control everything which meant that I didn’t have too. I just had to please him.
But what about now? It’s been over seven years since I have been on my own and I realize that I still don’t fit in. I still do things differently and struggle to get people to understand why. And I get frustrated when they don’t. I try to explain myself, justify myself and end up feeling like I am setting myself further apart.
And I always seem to unintentionally hurt someone. As a kid, I ditched my family to hang out with my friends. As an adult, I chose events with my family over my friends. New relationships over solid steady ones. I kept trying, not figuring out what the problem was or why.
Until I realized, the problem was me apologizing for it.
Trying to fit in was keeping me from… being me. Maybe I was never meant to fit in. Does everyone have to fit in to a group to be accepted? Or even more importantly, to accept themselves? Do I need to fit in to be happy? Is it my job to keep everyone else happy?
I ask myself, what accomplishments am I most proud of? And when I ask myself that question, I realize it is all the things that have set me apart. That make me an individual.
So what if I never fit in? Is that okay? What if I am always doing something different that not everyone can understand? I am okay with that. No, I am proud of that. I am going to stop explaining myself. Stop justifying myself. I am going to just keep plowing through unknown territories and continue to tell the stories of everything I learn and discover. I am going to continue to be different and not apologize for it.
A square peg in a round hole… no. Just a peg that doesn’t need to fit any hole. I’ll stand up on a flat surface and continue to practice balance, accepting that I will occasionally fall over. It’s okay. I like not fitting in.
2 thoughts on “A square peg and a round hole.”
I thought I was reading my own bio.
Your real friends will accept that you do you.
sometimes we do things that aren’t our thing for those same friends.
Support for each other without expectations
Thank you for your comment Gregory