Go easy on me.

Title sound familiar? It probably does unless you haven’t turned on a radio in the past month. The new song from Adele has been played over and over and over again. It is a beautiful song and I love hearing it. Who doesn’t love listening to Adele.

Today I found myself listening a little closer to the lyrics. Picking out each word from her beautiful melodic lilting voice and finding meaning in them.

When I focused on the chorus it struck something in me.

Go easy on me, baby
I was still a child
Didn’t get the chance to
Feel the world around me
I had no time to choose
What I chose to do
So go easy on me

I looked up the meaning of the lyrics as Adele had intended them to be but like all works of art, it is open for interpretation. And here is mine.

For the past 6 years (today is the actual anniversary of my most courageous act of walking out of my home – which I just realized as I was writing this… anyhoo)… For the past 6 years I have dug deep to come to terms with the fact that I led myself into a life that was less than pleasant. Yes, there were strong influences around me but ultimately, I made the choice to go down that path. And because of that, I had someone very important in my life to forgive.

Me.

Go easy on me, baby, is a message to myself. For years I had a voice in my head that made me feel less than. Even after I was on my own, that voice continued to tell me that I needed to do better. Be better. Perfection. Nothing less. Make better choices, don’t make mistakes, don’t fall down. Don’t be sad, don’t wallow, don’t get angry. Don’t, don’t don’t. Be, be, be. It was exhausting.

So when I took special note of these lyrics, this is what I heard.

Go easy on me, baby
Forgive yourself
You were still a child
You didn’t have the chance
to make a better choice
It’s okay now
To forgive yourself

And I have forgiven myself. Today, on this noteworthy day, I was reminded of how far I have come. How whole and confident I have become. Reminded in the most beautifully soothing and precious way. Today, I am proud of who I am and all the flaws and crazy that come with me. We are all flawed and imperfect. And we are all worthy of forgiveness.

So go easy on me, baby. Go easy on you, baby.

Thank you Adele for this beautiful Freedom Anniversary gift… Damn, now I am going to cry every time I hear this song…