Why didn’t you just leave?

“Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small.”

Ruth Gendler

People have asked me why I didn’t leave sooner. It is not an easy answer and for a long time I had no answer. I would pretend to and I would dance around it, offering all sorts of excuses and false wisdom. But the truth was, I didn’t understand it myself. I didn’t know why.

I still cannot offer an easy answer but I can tell you that at the heart of it is fear. Fear is an incredibly powerful animal. It holds us. It controls us. It is all encompassing and disabling. In my case, I was afraid of many things. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of a failed marriage. I was afraid of him.

I was afraid of him. He always had a way of being right. Always had a reason why I was wrong. Always had a way of winning. And because of that incredibly talented skill set, I was afraid of the argument that always came every time I tried to stand up. The argument that always proved me wrong. Always left me feeling like the bad person. Always left me feeling worthless. I was afraid of how he made me feel. And so I went along with everything. And I stayed.

In short, it is manipulation. And it is as powerful as fear. Both are invisible enemies. Enemies that swallow up your identity, your potential, your confidence. And when they are present in your life for too long you become confused and weak. It takes a great deal of courage and awareness to beat them. Identify the manipulation. Label the fear. See them. And then face them.

The funny thing is, once you identify them and expose them, they weaken. They crumble. The manipulation has no power once you see it. Truly see it. Neither does fear. Identify it. Face it. Weaken it. Then take back your life.

I chose this subject today because we are all dealing with fear. Fear of unknown. Fear of loss of control. Fear of so many things. Use my story to conquer your own fears. Identify it. Face it. Weaken it. And don’t lose sight of it again. Don’t forget it. Fear is always present no matter what the circumstances. Keep it in your sight line. And you will always win.

Be strong. Be courageous. Be fearless.

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