The art of asking for help.

Don’t be shy about asking for help. It doesn’t mean your weak, it only means you’re wise.”

My siblings and I. Missing in this picture are my mom and dad whose smiles are warmer than the sun and were probably the ones making us laugh 🙂

My family is my world. I grew up with more love than I could have asked for. Their support is and always will be my rock. When I was going through my darkest times I did not tell anyone what I was dealing with, including my family. It was not to exclude them. In part it was my fear that out of their love for me, they would push me to make a change that I was not ready to make. A part of me knew that I had to find the courage to do this on my own and in my own time. The other part of me had simply forgotten how to ask for help.

During my 24 year relationship, I felt like I was being distanced from people that were important to me. As a result of that I learned to deal with everything on my own. Whether it was as complex as my emotions or as simple as needing help with a task at work or home. Asking for help seemed to have consequences. So I did not ask. That still follows me today.

I do not ask anyone to help me fix my doorbell or shovel my driveway or decorate my house at Christmas. I just do it myself. I am not proud of this. It is my ‘bad habit’. I am learning that asking for help is a good thing and I am trying. It builds strong relationships. Healthy relationships. It lets people in. It lets people see that I cannot do everything myself and that I need them. This ‘bad habit’ of mine that has taken 24 years to build does not reverse in 4 years. But I am trying.

And so in summary, I write this post as a message to all of my family and friends who wish so much that they could have been there for me. I write this so that I can assure them that they were there then and they are now. And I write this because I suck at telling them how much that means to me. Something else I am working on.

So if you know someone that you thinks needs your help, no matter how much you think you are in the dark or left out or feeling helpless, you are not. You are THERE. Stay there. Be there. Because when someone doesn’t know how to be helped or ask for help, knowing who is in their corner is everything. Believe me, that helps.

Please note that this is just my experience and in no way do I speak for others out there. Each individual deals with each situation in their own way. If you have real concerns about someone, search for professional resources or help in your area.


3 thoughts on “The art of asking for help.

  1. This is such an amazing picture of who you are and were as kids. You were always the family, the relatives, I looked up to and couldn’t wait to see. This reminds me of travelling to your farm, where the adults would play solo and we would hang out in the basement. I vividly remember the fun and love that your household shared with others. Support of family is so essential, Shelley, I am so happy you have rejoined your clan!!


  2. We were and will always be in your corner. And you don’t have to say it, we know! I suck at saying thank you and expressing my emotions too. But now I am one step closer with you.


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