“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you chose to be around.”
Unknown
For most of my adult life I felt like I have taken care of people. Given up attention for myself to focus on others. Some needed my attention because they were learning. Some needed my attention because they were lost. Some needed my attention because they needed to be the center of the universe. They needed my attention for various reasons but it left nothing for me. I was okay with this role. I even relished in it. I was good at it. I was good at taking the back seat and pushing others forward. They needed me and it is always good to be needed.
But. Eventually I realized that this was not healthy. Nobody was taking care of me. Including me. I began by trying to choose my friends better. Distancing myself from those that always needed me. Always took from me. Always had a problem that needed solving. This was not an easy task. The needy have a good nose. They could smell me from a mile away!
Now that I have been on my own for awhile, I have had the chance to focus my attention on what is important. I have given my attention freedom. Freedom to choose where it wants to wonder… where it wants to play. And of it’s own free will, it choose me. It feels really good to take care of myself. My vision. My future.
I am making wiser choices every day about who I share this new and loyal attention with. I have become selfish with that precious attention. And it is precious. It is valuable. It has given me the confidence to become anything I want to be and accomplish anything I want to do.
Now here is the interesting part. Suddenly those needy noses didn’t seem to pick up my scent anymore. Suddenly I was attracting people who wanted me – not needed me. There is a difference. A very big difference. People who wanted to be with me, spend time with me, give back to me. Other confident and self assured people who valued me for who I am and not what I could do for them.
My take away on this… Taking care of yourself gives you the power to take care of other people properly. It also allows you to attract people that you want to take care of. There is nothing wrong with people needing you. But you need to be able to need them too. Every relationship you have should be a give and receive relationship. No exceptions. This is such a healthy and powerful place to be. I can make choices to be with people that don’t hurt me. I can make choices to surround myself with people that empower me. I can make choices.
Spend your time with those who value you. Not deplete you. Chose your friends. Chose your family. Chose yourself. First chose yourself.
My Messy Life 