No bad lessons.

“When you accept yourself, you are freed from the burden of needing others to accept you. Don’t allow anyone or anything control, limit, repress, or discourage you from being your true self.”

Steve Maraboli

I’ve had an ‘aha’ moment. It came to me after writing a recent post. I struggled with that post. Firstly because I was rushed and couldn’t make it ‘my perfect’. No big deal. Secondly because I shared the draft with someone and asked for feedback.

The feedback came from a very kind and well educated gentleman who was so very happy to be asked for his opinion. He was sweet with his pointers and suggestions. I was looking for feedback on the content of my post. He was trying to give an English lesson. And as you know if you are reading this, my writing will never win any English essays. Nor are they intended too.

I listened to the intended lesson with gratitude, respect and openness as I always do. But it made me question myself. I let it frazzle me. Stress me out… Hello anxiety, my oldest friend… how are you?

I read the post over and over again. Finding flaws. But the flaws I found were not in the grammar or spelling. The flaws were in the lack of ‘me’ that I like to pour into my writing. I realized that I let some well meaning tips and suggestions bring me back to a place that I thought I had left behind. That place of self-doubt. That place of not being good enough. Oh how close that place continues to be for me. Always beckoning. Always such a short trip away.

So I stopped. Revisited my intention. Here comes the ‘aha’ moment… I asked myself who I was really writing this for. A kind, well educated gentleman?… A supportive friend who likes my writing?… A struggling person who needs to know they are not alone?…

Ultimately, nope.

I am writing this for me. These are my words. This is my voice. You don’t have to read it. You don’t have to share it. You don’t have to like it. I will always be grateful for feedback. But at the end of the day, I decide. I straightened up, turned my back on that place of self-doubt and once again, walked away.

I write. I publish. I heal. I decide.

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