And suddenly I realized I had potential.

“Don’t squander your potential living a life that amounts to far less than the one you are capable of living.”

Zero Dean

Okay so I stated a while back that I would elaborate on the project management job which became a turning point in my journey. I meant to post this sooner but… things kinda happen. Better late than never, so here it is.

I have worked many different assistant jobs in my adult life. Never staying at one place long enough to make anything of it. It didn’t matter if I liked a job or not. There were always issues. A co-worker was a little too friendly and the jealously set in. The hours occasionally went late or a night shift for inventory was required. A weekend out of town to facilitate a client event where infidelity was most certainly inevitable (in his words). There was always something that eventually gave me no other choice but to move on.

Then 14 years ago I had an opportunity to work as a project manager. I quit the latest assistant job and gave it a shot. After a huge learning curve and being thrown in way over my head, I figured it out. And go figure… I was good at it. No, I was great at it! I earned the respect of my employer as he knew I was picking up pieces that no one else was available to pick up. We developed a great working relationship. Had a great time working together too. I loved my new job. I was thriving. I looked forward to going to work every day. I felt like someone. I felt respected.

But when I got home, that feeling disappeared. My confidence was building. We were fighting all the time. For the first time I started to think about what life would be like without him. I was even close to leaving. I would tell him how much I loved my job and how good I was at it. I was even starting to make good money. It didn’t seem to matter. In his opinion, the job was taking up too much of my time and my boss only wanted to sleep with me. Eventually I wore down and agreed to quit. I was devastated.

Before I had a chance to hand in my resignation, he got offered a transfer with his job. I was relieved as now at least I had a legitimate reason for quitting. For being a quitter. I felt like a coward. I felt weak and controlled. I felt deflated.

But. Now I knew I had potential. I knew that I could accomplish something that was hard. I knew what it felt like to be respected. This was a turning point in my journey because I discovered that I matter. That I could do whatever I set my mind to.

Suddenly I knew I had potential.


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